In my coaching practice, I often notice that the higher people climb professionally, the more insecure they feel about their success.
I wrote about this strange phenomenon previously, but in this article, I want to focus on what to do when those imposter feelings present themselves in their most natural ground zero: the meeting room.
Whether it’s an actual conference room or a Zoom call, those imposter feelings usually present themselves in the form of a thought, often along the lines of: “Oh my God, I’ve no idea what I’m doing here, and everyone’s about to find out.”
This triggers a stress response, prompting you to use one of two typical strategies. Either you go quiet and disappear into the background (which tends to be my go-to), or you start rambling.
Both strategies will undermine your authority dramatically.
Why meetings trigger imposter syndrome
Your inner imposter loves to hang out in meeting rooms because they present a cocktail of four powerful stress ingredients.
First, visibility: you’re being watched by others in the room. Second, your performance is being evaluated by everyone, so there’s judgment. Third, there’s uncertainty because you don’t know where the meeting will end up. Lastly, some kind of hierarchy is always present, even when we pretend it isn’t.
From the brain’s perspective, meetings therefore don’t just present an intellectual challenge, but a full-blown social threat because your status, credibility, and sense of belonging are all at stake.
Despite thousands of years of evolution, your brain still treats this social threat as a physical danger. It floods your body with stress hormones.
That’s why these imposter feelings often feel very physical, like a tightness in the throat, shallow breathing, a faster heartbeat, going red in the face, or feeling a bit foggy.
The mistake we make is treating those sensations as evidence. Evidence that we’re underqualified or incompetent—and that we shouldn’t be in this meeting.
Consider imposter feelings as nothing more than a predictable nervous system response rather than a truthful assessment of your ability. That means the solution is not to try to get rid of those feelings, but rather to stop them from ruining your meeting.
That’s why preparation matters, because the best time to tackle imposter feelings in meetings is before you even walk into the room.
The 90-second setup
Don’t wait until you’re already in the meeting to figure out your role, what you want to contribute, and how you’ll respond under pressure.
Before your meeting, take 90 seconds to answer the following questions.
First, “What is my role in this meeting?” Not your job title, but your function. Are you there to make a decision, provide advice, spot risks, challenge, clarify, or move the conversation forward? Pick one.
If you don’t decide this upfront, your nervous system will choose for you in the moment, meaning it will probably choose either silence or rambling.
Second, “What’s the one thing I want to contribute?” Decide on the one or two points you want to make or questions you want to ask. Also, decide to get those points or questions in as early as possible in the conversation. This will greatly reduce the internal chatter about whether you should speak at all.
Maybe you decide beforehand that you don’t need to say much at all, and that your role is simply to take notes. You can still contribute by summarising the action points at the end, or explicitly naming the decision you think has just been made. Likewise, if you’re leading the meeting, use the start to frame its purpose and desired outcomes.
The third question to answer before entering your meeting is “How will I show up once the spotlight is on me?” Most people either go quiet or over-explain when they’re under pressure. Set a simple rule in advance: “When I feel nervous or under scrutiny, I won’t deflect.” Or, “I will ask a clear clarifying question”. Or, “I will make my point and then stop.”
To outsmart your inner imposter, you can add one more layer of preparation by choosing one quality to bring into the meeting and tying it to a visible behaviour. For example, if you choose the quality ‘calm’, that could mean lowering your voice and using fewer words. Or, if you want to be decisive, you make a recommendation and then don’t overjustify it. Or maybe you bring an attitude of ‘curiosity’, so you let others speak first before you jump in.
This kind of scenario planning will prevent your nervous system from hijacking your responses when you enter fight-or-flight or freeze mode.
Handling imposter feelings in the moment
What to do then when, despite all your preparation, imposter feelings show up anyway?
You start by labelling those feelings silently. Don’t analyse or judge them, but simply name them for what they are: “Oh, this is that stress response Kris talked about in his podcast, that I’m feeling.” Or, “Wow, nice, this is my nervous system reacting as it should to a stressful situation.”
Giving those feelings a neutral label allows you detach yourself from the story behind them. What you’re feeling is your body’s physical stress response to a perceived social threat. Whatever thoughts you might have about that are nothing more than stories.
After labelling those feelings, you need to move your attention outward. Impostor feelings tend to pull all your focus onto yourself.
You start monitoring your voice, facial expressions, contributions (or lack thereof), and how you’re coming across.
When that happens, shift your attention back to the meeting itself by silently asking yourself some simple questions:
- What problem are we trying to solve right now?
- What decision are we stuck on?
- What’s the real issue no one’s talking about?
- Why does John keep picking his nose?
This will pull you back into the room and out of your own head.
And here’s a little reminder: you don’t need to be completely sure of yourself about what you’re saying before allowing yourself to interject.
If you’re waiting for one hundred per cent certainty before you open your mouth, you’re more than likely not going to say a word, and you’ll leave the meeting seriously annoyed at yourself.
Unless you’re giving a presentation, 75 per cent confidence that what you’re saying is helpful and truthful is more than fine. You can always adjust your views later in the meeting, which is better than not saying anything at all.
And finally, remember the Spotlight Effect, a psychological bias that leads us to dramatically overestimate how much attention others pay to our mistakes, appearance, or behaviour.
While you might be sitting there thinking that everyone is questioning what the hell you’re doing in that meeting, chances are they’re way too preoccupied with what’s going on for themselves to even accuse you of being an imposter. And quite likely, they’re probably struggling to keep their own imposter under control.
After the meeting has ended
So far, I’ve talked about what to do before and during a meeting. But in reality, our imposter is often most active after the meeting ends.
Your brain is replaying all the juicy bits; what you said or didn’t say. You suddenly remember a few awkward moments, and very quickly, the story spirals into: “I didn’t handle that well. They must have noticed that I didn’t know what I was talking about.”
This is still your nervous system processing the earlier social threat.
The goal after a meeting isn’t necessarily to cheer yourself up, but to carefully manage that sense-making process by putting together a short written debrief on paper or on your laptop.
Write three lines only:
- What was the actual outcome of the meeting?
- What did I do that contributed to that outcome?
- What is one thing I’d adjust next time?
Then stop.
If you contributed nothing, you can write that down too without making a drama of it. Instead, use this time to prepare better for your next meeting.
Conclusion
Imposter feelings in meetings are hugely common, and they don’t mean anything is wrong with you.
To borrow a phrase from writer Arthur C. Brooks, this is about “leaning in without giving in.”
You allow the discomfort to be there, without trying to eliminate it, and you don’t let it dictate your behaviour.
This is what real self-leadership looks like. It’s not the absence of doubt, but the fact that you keep showing up despite the doubt.